Hope in Unsettling Times

I’ve come to find that while I’m always unsettled, and very much desire for this feeling to end, I hope I never become settled here on earth. You see, the reason why I’m always unsettled is that what I really want isn’t here, He’s somewhere else. So if I ever feel settled, as if life is perfect, that means I’ve lost my first love and settled for something that is here, which will never be Him.
So sitting here, I know now that being constantly unsettled is not a curse but a blessing that I can never thank God enough for. It reminds me that what I’m longing for is not on the earth, but somewhere else. The fact that I can be unsettled is a symbol of reassurance of hope, a hope to see Him face to face, seated on the thrown.
In heaven we will look at Him who has the appearance of jasper and carnelian, His thrown surrounded by a rainbow with the appearance of an emerald. At the thrown we’ll see flashes of lightning and hear rumblings and peals of thunder. There we will stand, surrounded by an endless sea of glass, almost like crystal.
We will see the King.

Lower than Dirt

Humility

What a nasty word, Humility. A concept no one understands, but everyone honors. Humility is a Latin word, meaning low and from the earth. Things low and from the earth aren’t the most esteemed creation, you know, the stuff on the ground that people step on? Things like ants, snakes, lizards, beetles, and worms.

St. Thomas Aquinas defines humility similarly as "the virtue of humility" that "consists in keeping oneself within one's own bounds, not reaching out to things above one, but submitting to one's superior" (Summa Contra Gent., bk. IV, ch. lv, tr. Rickaby).

I seem to have a hard time in keeping true humility. Either I’m full of pride and work against the heart of men, or I’m humble but I loose my value in Christ and concentrate on all my faults. It’s so hard to understand that we’re actually made of dirt and that God doesn’t need us, but at the same time understand that God loves us and that’s why we’re valuable.

Humility is a daily balancing act for man.

An Act of Forgiveness

Have you ever been at a point in your life when you realize that what you thought you were doing was good, but in fact you discover it is wretched? In dismay, you listened as someone finally told you that your motives were probably wrong. Feeling a tinge of guilt, you stiffened up and maybe even crossed your arms, looking towards the wall and doing anything possible to avoid eye contact.

I just had one of those moments where my self righteousness quickly turned to shame, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve weaved a complex web of wrongness, and while I know that apologies are in order, also there are some actions in order. These actions are not ones I’m particularly fond of, and rather they scare me. They’re not actions out of guilt, but they are things I should have done a long time ago.

As a Christian I know that God gives me the chance to rejoin my path no matter how far I’ve deviated. Now the problem is, when can I have the opportunity to correct things? I need patience and sound vision, awaiting the time to make things right. I just hope it doesn’t kill me inside before I’m able to say that I’m sorry.