Hope in Unsettling Times

I’ve come to find that while I’m always unsettled, and very much desire for this feeling to end, I hope I never become settled here on earth. You see, the reason why I’m always unsettled is that what I really want isn’t here, He’s somewhere else. So if I ever feel settled, as if life is perfect, that means I’ve lost my first love and settled for something that is here, which will never be Him.
So sitting here, I know now that being constantly unsettled is not a curse but a blessing that I can never thank God enough for. It reminds me that what I’m longing for is not on the earth, but somewhere else. The fact that I can be unsettled is a symbol of reassurance of hope, a hope to see Him face to face, seated on the thrown.
In heaven we will look at Him who has the appearance of jasper and carnelian, His thrown surrounded by a rainbow with the appearance of an emerald. At the thrown we’ll see flashes of lightning and hear rumblings and peals of thunder. There we will stand, surrounded by an endless sea of glass, almost like crystal.
We will see the King.

Lower than Dirt

Humility

What a nasty word, Humility. A concept no one understands, but everyone honors. Humility is a Latin word, meaning low and from the earth. Things low and from the earth aren’t the most esteemed creation, you know, the stuff on the ground that people step on? Things like ants, snakes, lizards, beetles, and worms.

St. Thomas Aquinas defines humility similarly as "the virtue of humility" that "consists in keeping oneself within one's own bounds, not reaching out to things above one, but submitting to one's superior" (Summa Contra Gent., bk. IV, ch. lv, tr. Rickaby).

I seem to have a hard time in keeping true humility. Either I’m full of pride and work against the heart of men, or I’m humble but I loose my value in Christ and concentrate on all my faults. It’s so hard to understand that we’re actually made of dirt and that God doesn’t need us, but at the same time understand that God loves us and that’s why we’re valuable.

Humility is a daily balancing act for man.

An Act of Forgiveness

Have you ever been at a point in your life when you realize that what you thought you were doing was good, but in fact you discover it is wretched? In dismay, you listened as someone finally told you that your motives were probably wrong. Feeling a tinge of guilt, you stiffened up and maybe even crossed your arms, looking towards the wall and doing anything possible to avoid eye contact.

I just had one of those moments where my self righteousness quickly turned to shame, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve weaved a complex web of wrongness, and while I know that apologies are in order, also there are some actions in order. These actions are not ones I’m particularly fond of, and rather they scare me. They’re not actions out of guilt, but they are things I should have done a long time ago.

As a Christian I know that God gives me the chance to rejoin my path no matter how far I’ve deviated. Now the problem is, when can I have the opportunity to correct things? I need patience and sound vision, awaiting the time to make things right. I just hope it doesn’t kill me inside before I’m able to say that I’m sorry.

Stuck Again

Ever experience one those times where you feel like you’re stuck in the same old hole you always fall into? The hole feels dark but familiar. You’ve escaped the hole several times before, and you even remember how you escaped out of the hole last time. This time, despite the memory of your last escape, you still feel trapped without a way out.

That’s where I’ve been the last two weeks. Same dumb hole I always fall into. Ever fall into the hole so many times that you fell like you might as well live in the hole? I fear that these feelings don’t separate me from other people, but in fact they connect me to millions of other believers.

We need to keep pressing on.

The words of Moses to the people of Israel before he died:
Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you."

The Great Story

Once again today I had to sit down and remind myself of the great story of man’s past, and look into the promise of man’s future. Looking at my own life, it’s easy to loose the hope of the future because at times it seems so far away, almost unreachable.

After the fall of angels and in result, the fall of man, we’ve been on a path downward to destruction. God in His love for us has been resetting our tracks to put us on a path of redemption, but due to our fallen nature, some way we always seem to jump off the path God has created for us. Even more so, for a redeemed person who is a child of God, whose enslavement to evil has ended, they still jump off the path God has set before them. Why do they do this? They have all help, all hope, all love, all power given to them, but for some reason they choose against it.

Man is a curious creature indeed, fighting against the one he loves, who loves him, refusing to draw upon the strength given to him, and insisting on destroying the life given to him. If we were to look at this situation in the life of an individual, we would say that the individual hated himself.

Does the race of man hate himself?

Pray for man.

Thankless Thanksgiving

Today I woke up to the sound of my alarm, causing me to sigh and roll over as is usual for my mornings. Today I took two friends with me to enjoy thanksgiving with my family. The day was great and we came back full and happy. It wasn’t until 6:00pm that I realized today is a day of thanksgiving. Not that this day is sanctioned by God or anything, but should everyday be a day of thanksgiving? On the way to the bathroom I realized this, so I spent my time in the bathroom doing what I do often there, think.

In the event of trying to think thankfully, I found myself more in need. Before God, the list began of things I needed, and don’t think bicycles, iPods, and money. I needed something spiritual. My mind went to emotional scars and pains yet to be healed but which are in the process of being healed. That’s where my thoughts and prayers ended, on asking God’s help.

I looked for a good quote to put here, about how God likes to hear his children ask for help, but I couldn’t find one. Despite my lack of findings, I’ll just let it be known that God knows that we’re in need, likes to hear that we’re in need (but takes no pleasure in pure neediness) and loves to fill our needs because he’s our Father.